Safe words

Safe words

So we have all heard things about safe words and their role within the BDSM community. But what is the truth?


The truth about safe words is they are a vital role for any novice or a professional person playing any role within the community not only for your own safety but the safety and well-being of the others around you.


A Safeword is going to come into play when things get a little kinkier. Many couples do not think they will need one but once in the heat of passion, it’s very easy to go too far and stop short your journey into the wonderful world of BDSM. We hope over the course of this article we can give you some help and advice into safe words and safe actions. The use of “no” or “ stop” is not used as these can be seen as part of the scene going on and is often a part of the whole roleplay expense. Many organized BDSM groups have standard safewords that all members agree to use to avoid confusion at organized play events.

So in mainstream lives and society, we are taught no means no. This is the case and should be respected and all life, sex, and fetish should be safe sane and consensual. This is easily the case for a normal life but once in a BDSM scene or playing at home in the bedroom “no” can become part of the fun to the submissive the feeling of losing all control.


I know that this probably doesn’t sound sexy at all, but it totally can be!

As well as a main safe word some partners also have a range of safe words to indicate levels of comfort to the scene also known as a  traffic lights system. This does not stop the play but can just calm it down a little. A good set of graduation safe words is Green, Yellow, and Red just like traffic lights easy for any party to understand. Green is the best one or “please don’t stop” and yellow simply being I need a breath.Safe words traffic light

If the main safe word or red is used the Dom in the scene must respect this unconditionally. A Submissive will only use this safeword because it’s got too much for them this can be mentally or physically.  The activity or entire scene is over. All restraints must be removed immediately and in the fastest way possible. We suggest keeping some tools with you. Suggested tools are paramedics shears wire snips and of course a first aid kit. Remember the submissive’s safety is the number one priority if you have to cut or break the restraints do so you can always get more.


The top or dominant is always the most responsible one in any play session as should always be looking out for their subs Well fair, Taking active and positive steps to check the mental and physical state of their partner. A submissive will not always call for a stop as not wanting to upset or disrespect their master.

BDSM Safety is everyone’s responsibility


If you are in a club or with others and hear the safe word being ignored. Please help the submissive and report to the dungeon/ play space owner. If you don’t feel confident enough to step in look for another dominate to help. Ignoring safewords is considered a deeply immoral practice in the BDSM community. If you find yourself the sub in need do not worry others will always come to your aid. This is why theCommunity-wide safe words are suggested then everyone is on the same page.


Sometimes it is not always possible for the submissive to speak. Maybe there gagged or wearing a hood this is where a safe signal is used. This can be anything as simple as dropping an item held in the hand or perhaps a rhythmical grunt or fingertip. Whatever it is it needs to be clearly discussed by both parties before play takes place.

Gratefulpain hands in handcuffs

When picking your safe word think of something short and easy to say. Some kinkster uses a jolting word some word that will make your partner stop dead in the tracks. Totally unsexy stopping the action in its tracks.


The generally accepted safe word in the S&M community is “safeword” and “red”. Using these words in public spaces such as a BDSM dungeon or club everyone in the place will know these. This will help to make it easier to have more trust in your partner.


Stay safe

Whatever fetish or scene you want to play out please remember to stay safe. The BDSM and fetish community is a great place full of helpful people all willing to share their knowledge with you. Safe words journey Anyone in the lifestyle for any length of time will share with you how much fun and enjoyment they have had from it. So don’t cut your journey short follow
the safe words advice and stay safe.


We have lots of other articles on other parts of BDSM and fetish for you to read and comment on. Some will help you choose the right one of our products to purchase opening up new paths for you. So if you have any comments please leave them below. Please share this with anyone else you feel might benefit from it.

So what is Temperature and wax play?

So what is Temperature and wax play?


Temperature and wax play can be a way of getting your shy partner down the wonderful path of grateful pain that is fetish and BDSM.With care and patience and some thoughtfully applied stimulus, your play partner will feel waves of pleasurable endorphins and experience an all-new sensual high.

The idea of temperature play


The idea of Temperature and wax play is to arouse the skin’s neuroreceptors. Stimulation through heat or cold gives the body a rush of sensations. For some of the best results try mixing some different styles and techniques. This will help prove to your partner BDSM doesn’t have to be brutal but instead is a pleasurable pain.
As we have discussed before safety is your number one priority and you should already have your safeword in place as well as the appropriate first aid equipment

There are many ways of trying temperature play or in fact wax play. Wax play is a fetish all of its own but we have included it here as it is a great add-on to the whole experience. Many find that a blindfold of some description really helps as this heightens your other senses intensifying the effects of the play. To further the intensity you can also restrain your partner with handcuffs, rope or a restraint. This is dependent on the trust level you and your partner.


Household items.

Many household items can be used to experiment with. From the water, ice, chocolate sauce fresh fruit metal spoons, chains and many other things besides. Most people will start out using Water, ice, and other safer items moving on to fire and wax at a later date. Temperature play itself is not really caused as BDSM more of a kink it is still a great gateway to other things.
fulfill all of those burning desires
So below you will find a list of items frequently used for temperature play we have added a scale next to them so you can judge if you are ready to play with this element. 1 is low and 5 is high.

Grateful pain is not responsible for anything you do with this information this is simply our view and is from our own experiences and research.

Water 1 out of 5



So water, h20 or council pop whatever you call it we all have it to hand. Try laying in a bath or on a waterproof sheet and pour water over your partner’s chest and arms then switch to a colder or hotter water.

 Intermittently kissing the area to get the passion flowing. As you get further into the world of temperature play you can try pouring it on the genitals seeing how cold and how hot you can go. Always trying the water on yourself first as you don’t want to scold your play partner. 




Ice 1 out of 5


Running an ice cube over a naked body leaving a train of cold water which you can gently blow on adding more sensations to the skin. Running an ice cube over the nipples or around the genitals wakes up the nerve endings making them super sensitive. Use this in conjunction with a warm object to switch up the sensations. ice-cubes-1224804__340For a random different effect hold the ice cube above the body in your clenched fist this will melt it slowly and release randomly sized droplets of water. This can be a great sensation when restrained in and BDSM restraints.

More fun with ice can come from you can freezing pieces of fruit try watermelon or cucumber. Tese both freeze well due to the high water content. You can then use your mouth to hold the fruit as you explore the most sensitive parts of your partner’s body

Food 1-2 out of 5

Warm milk, cold custard, cold fruit lots of food can be used for temperature play. Often turning into sploshing fun. My personal favourites are to use melted chocolate to pour over the body and then run an ice cube through mixing up the sensations to give a whole new level of feelings and sensations After you also get the task of licking it all up :).

Metal spoons 3 out of 5

With a simple couple of spoons, it is easy to make hot and cold sensations with nothing more than the air and your own body. The spoon itself left in the air will be colder than the human skin. Running this along the body can produce a cold sensation like a knife edge without the fear of being cut. This can be heightened with a bowl of cold or ice water leaving the spoon in the bowl this will dramatically reduce the temperature of the spoon. The metal will also stay cold for a longer amount of time allowing for longer periods of pleasure.

Getting hot

Heating the spoon is easily done by placing the spoon in your palm for several minutes this will bring it up above the skin’s temperature. And is a great alternative to the cold spoon. The air cooled and body heated spoons are perfect for anyone looking to start playing with BDSM temperature play. To move the heat hotter you can place the spoon in a cup of hot water. This will give different sensations whether you use the bowl or the edge of the spoon. We have heard of people using a lighter or flame to heat up the spoon but this is highly unpredictable to judge if it is safe or will permanently mark the skin.

Glass and resin  items 2 out of 5

Glass balls or a simple tumbler can both be cooled in the fridge or freezer and then rolled across the body giving a broader area of sensation perfect for the bum or chest. The Glass items can also be heated in water but never heat a cooled item to fast it may shatter. Before using any glass item you must make sure it is free from chips or breaks. These will cause injury to your play partner. Our resin dildos or but plugs to can be warmed and chilled just like the glass items. If you have some glass marbles these make great items to use simply heat and chill some then using a palm’s worth use them to massage your partner. Relaxing and exciting your partner

Wax play 4 out of 5


Which Candles are safe to use?

Household candles often contain paraffin making them melt at a hotter temperature. If you are using household candles practice on your own leg dripping from a high distance slowly lowering till you reach the point where it’s too hot.  This will be different for your play partner. Stay clear of candles made from beeswax, scented and ones with metal wicks these all burn at an extremely high temperature and can cause serious second-degree burns
Special candles have been designed for use in BDSM and sex play. Made from Soy which melts at a much lower temperature.

With the candles, you can tease with random hot drips or wait till you have a pool and coat a large area in the hot sensual wax.
So for a stress-free first time into wax play make sure you do a few things first.

Make sure you lay or stand above is nonflammable just in case you do drop the candle.  Checking that there are no curtains that can blow into the flames. You may also not want to do it on your best bed sheets. 

To make removing the wax easier and painless start by removing hair from any area you are going to drip wax onto. Then with some good quality massage oil slowly massage oil into the skin, this will also help relax the mood. The oil must fully be soaked in before play takes place.

Then the fun can begin light your candles and allow to melt for a minute. Then test a small amount on the back of your on hand to test the temperature. If This feels like it should dip a small amount onto your partner or submissives arm from around 18” away. If they are happy and have no adverse reactions you can move on to full play.

Starting with the back and shoulders this will always both you and your play partner to settling into the height of the candle and the heat. Once this is cool you can now move on to more sensitive areas. Including my favorites the bum, breasts, and stomach. To heighten the sensitivity you can alternate in a random pattern with candles and then drip or run an ice cube across the body this will help set the wax and affects the nerves that supply the skin heightening the sensation. 
After practicing for a few times you can experiment with covering the entire area. Creating a costume or with shapes and patterns, the use of a stiff brush only adds to the feelings.

Wax Removal and Aftercare

wax play removal can be a painful exercise if this is what you would like it to be. If you have massaged the body with oil the wax will simply lift off with no pain or discomfort. Removing the wax can be a sensory BDSM experience. Try peeling the wax off with your fingernail or scraping with a comb. If you submissive behaves perhaps try spanking them with one of our paddles or flogs.

After the session is over your skin will need a little TLC. It is important to treat it as soon as possible. The best solution is a message with some after sun lotion or aloe vera. Possibly add these to your BDSM kit box.

Fire 5 out of 5


Fire play is something we have never tried.  We would suggest that if you would like to try fire play you look into the matter further. Lots of people in the BDSM community that have excellent knowledge in the play type and will be able to help you further.

Fire play rarely leaves marks on the skin. Some people do deliberately burn the skin slightly to leave it red and irritated.

Fire playbreathing-fire-557699__340

As you would expect fire play involves using flames to tickle the skin. The flame is applied using a fire wand which is a small torch that holds typically 70% isopropyl alcohol as fuel.  As with lots of other BDSM activities, there is more than one way to apply the flames including a glove, flaming flogs and whips. 
You will need to do your research into which ones suit you.


Two common styles I found on the web. Bouncing is the tapping or bouncing along the skin with the small fire torches.  Gives short brief sensations to the receiver. Streaking fuel is added to the skin in most commonly a straight line.  Then set alight this is then put out fast before any damage or burning of the skin takes place.
We hope this has been of some help to you and hope it helps you experiment and discover new pleasures.

Again please remember safety first keep your first aid box handy. Always respect the safe word. Please take some time to look at the items in our shop. Feel free to comment on this or any other of our articles. If you think others will benefit from this article or any of our others please share it with them. Have any subjects you would like us to cover in an article please feel free to contact us. We also produce many ones of and custom items of fetish and BDSM equipment from a paddle to a fetish bed. So we hope you have enjoyed reading about Temperature and wax play.